A Letter to Experiment 327

Dear Experiment 327,

 I don't know how I should begin this letter. There is too much that I want and need to say, and too many emotions that I feel and can not express. But that's the beauty of letters; it gives me the voice that I no longer have. This is why I began to write so much shortly after my escape, because it's the only way I can really convey my emotions. Ever since I lost my voice. But I can't complain, at least I shouldn't. I got out of there. Even surviving on this Earth isn't so bad compared to being in that Facility. Oh trust me, I remember. Just thinking about the pain makes me cry in the middle of the night, often I still have nightmares. But I guess that's where the similarities end now. Because that's the thing; Being in the Facility is only a memory for me. For you, it's still reality.

So ignore me. I'm not here to ramble on about myself. Above all else, I really want to know how you feel. It's been a while since we last saw each other, it's been too long actually. A huge part of me regrets leaving you behind. Sometimes, I realize it's partially my fault you're still there suffering because I could have helped you get out when I did. So before I start, I want to tell you right now that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, because I left you behind. I'm sorry, because during that moment I failed to be a friend when you needed a friend the most.

I want you to know and understand what I thought when I escaped and left you behind. My reasoning during the time was "Well, we all need to survive. The world is over, and it's survival of the fittest." I figured nature had deemed me worthy of survival, so for that split second I felt invincible. But after having a very long time to think about it, I realized how stupid I was to think that. How blind I was. Because now I realize that we are one race, and what's more important than my own life is the survival of our entire existence on this planet. If I die saving another, that man or woman may die trying to help another survive. And so it continues, until this is all over and then finally someone does survive. If we get a group of people together and they die to save others, and the chain continues, then eventually there will be a group of people left standing who have survived. And perhaps the world will start over, and the radiation will dissipate over time, spread out into the vast endless space and simply disappear.

I know, it sounds so great in theory. I must sound crazy. This wasn't the me I remember from when the world still existed. But in a dead world, there's only so much we have to rely on. Theories, hopes, and dreams. I'm living every day with this theory, that sounds so great in my mind that if I die trying to save someone then maybe my life wasn't in vain. Maybe for a split second I meant something. And I know that eventually I will die, I know I will not live to see the end of this. But I can hope that eventually humanity will survive, and maybe I'm wrong. But maybe I'm right! And that's why I try. Because maybe I'm right. I can dream that I'm right, and I can dream of better days. Because maybe eventually in the very distant future, better days will come. And maybe these are all too many maybes, but maybe that's what we all need. Maybe.

I'm going to get you out of there. The moment I can, I'm coming back for you and I'm gonna take you with me. And then we can survive together until the day that we die, and if there is a Heaven up there then maybe we can watch humanity take its course from the best seats in the house.

Before I end this, though, I have one final apology. I am sorry that I'm too much of a coward and too selfish to send you this letter, that you'll never get to see these words for as long as you or I live.

Sincerely, Xavier